I feel really bad right now for feeling so lousy about my sister’s pregnancy. My mother brought her to my house yesterday because she wasn’t talking to anyone. Out of the deal, I got it out of her that she lied to our parents, she did know she was pregnant and it isn’t 3 weeks like she told everyone it’s 7 weeks. I also discovered that she is totally obsessed with/controlled by her boyfriend. Everytime I asked her a question, she texted him and waited on his response, then answered. I know she isn’t stupid and she usually has such a strong personality but for some reason she’s different with this guy. I’m also not sure what she expects everyone to do with him; are we supposed to accept him and be perfectly fine around him? Seriously? He purposefully impregnated a high school student that is 6 years younger than him.
I also ran into the guy’s mother at the store. She was bawling. I asked her what was wrong other than the obvious and she informed me that her son is married(!) but refuses to sign the divorce papers his wife had drawn up. Also, she is afraid the baby will have a lot of problems since her own mother died very young of heart defects, she herself has had 19 heart surgeries, and her son has the same heart problems. She told me it was selfish of him to get someone pregnant on purpose.
Anyways, let’s get back to the title of my post. Me being jealous and selfish. Because I really so badly want to have a child and now my baby sister is going to have a baby. Right now, I don’t even want to see her or have anything to do with her. Even if IVF works the first time for me and DH, I don’t see us raising the kids together despite their closeness in age. Also, this throws all my plans out the window. I wanted my baby to be special; at least for a while. I wanted him/her to get a lot of attention from my parents and siblings but I know that now, when it comes down to spending time with or helping with someone’s baby, they will all choose hers since she is young. In the back of my mind, I know she will need more help than I will but I just thought that since we have had to struggle for so long we could at least have a special baby that everyone oohed and aahhed over because we have tried so hard. My mother was also so excited about taking care of my kids when I would go back to work after maternity leave since we only live 15 minutes away from each other but now she has informed me I’ll need to use a daycare because my sister and her baby come first since they will need the help more. Oh, and all those heirlooms that my older siblings have gotten to use for their kids and were to be passed on to me next? I don’t get them either; any of them. Because my sister will need them more for her kid. I’ll just have to buy new I’m told. But it really isn’t about the money, it’s that those things were used for all my siblings and me when we were babies and then they have been used for my nieces and nephews. Now my kids are going to get left out. The antique rocking chair, baby changer, high chair, and toys are now due to go to my sister whom they weren’t even used for when she was a baby since my parents were so excited that seven years after their last kid they suddenly had another so they went out and bought her all brand new everything when she was born.
I really wish at this point that my DH and I hadn’t bought our new house a couple months ago and had just moved somewhere far far away so that we wouldn’t be directly involved and right in the center of this mess.