Infertility is messing with my head

Yeah, so I got my bfp and my beta looks good but the evil infertility monster continues to loom over my shoulder.  Like, did you know that women with PCOS have a much higher chance of miscarriage?  I did but I didn’t realize it is estimated to be around 50% by some researchers.  I’m lucky my RE is so good and is making sure I stay on my metformin and has me on progesterone in oil because it is a more reliable form of progesterone (i’ve read only a certain percentage of oral progesterone gets absorbed and suppositories are leaky and unreliable because of it).  I think…wait…I know I’m being paranoid and every two seconds I worry about having a miscarriage or something being horribly wrong.  I know I will have a little relief tomorrow after I get the results of my second beta but I still won’t feel totally at ease.  I mean, there are women all around me who have told the world via facebook and twitter that they are pregnant as soon as the get a positive on a hpt and then they go on to have a healthy baby.  But me?  I feel like I can’t tell anyone other than very immediate people in my family who know we went through IVF anyway. 

Also, what happens after this pregnancy?  And I’m going with the assumption/desperate hope/plea that everything goes as planned on the baby/babies are carried to or near full-term and are born healthy.  Do I go back to being an infertile?  I do what more than one child.  When it’s time, do we try on our own for a while or skip straight ahead to ivf.  I mean, I already feel immensely guilty having frozen embryos.  Those human beings have been conceived because of a procedure my husband and I elected to have done and what if they all don’t have a chance to be born?  Ahhh….I’m just making myself think too much and feel worse.  I’m trying to focus on the positive and realize that IVF was the only way me and my husband could conceive.  And I’m glad and thankful we were able to have the procedure done.  And I would do it again.


One thought on “Infertility is messing with my head

  1. Leighann says:

    Everyone is a little different. Personally, I wouldn’t want to risk pregnancy on my own when I already had frosties. It may be more expensive and less fun but I wouldn’t want to waste them so to speak. However, if you feel differently it’s a perfectly valid conclusion too. It’s whatever is best for both of you. 🙂

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