11 weeks 3 days

I think I’m going crazy. I’m constantly worried and I’m constantly googling. I’ve decided google is an evil device that is highly addictive. I look up everything and then I get even more worried. It’s frustrating. Also, I got my charts transferred to the new OB and they still haven’t called to tell me whether or not they will accept me. I think I would be even crazier if I didn’t have my fetal heart monitor. I listen to the babies everytime I get too worried and it helps to know that their little hearts are beating. My big problem right now is that I don’t know if the subchorionic hemorrhage has gotten smaller, bigger, or resolved since I won’t have another ultrasound for several weeks. That ultrasound is scheduled at my original doctor’s office since i haven’t gotten the “okay” from the new guys yet.

Current symptoms:
Nausea in the a.m. (about every other day now)
Fatigue throughout the day that puts me to sleep around 7pm every night
Slight twinges in my abdomen that I’m assured are Round ligament pains
Weight has stayed steady (I haven’t gained any weight yet)
I feel overly emotional sometimes
Out of breath at work since I have to walk a lot (the building i work in is 23 acres under one roof)
and I still have brown spotting on and off from the SCH
Also, sometimes it looks like I have a bump but I know it’s from bloating mainly

Just a little on edge

I hate whining.  It makes me feel ungrateful for what I have.  Today, I’m going to try to focus on what I do have.  I have:  a husband who loves me (and I love him too), two dogs and a cat that I absolutely adore, finally a house large enough for me not to feel trapped, travel plans (even though it’s only a weekend trip), a great RE, a job that I don’t mind, a promotion in the works for a job with more responsibilities (which with ttc is actually a mixed blessing i.e. more money, less time), my dad’s support in my journey, and there’s more I just don’t have the time to write/think of it all.  Now, for the whining.  I’m going to try to get this out for now so I can go about the day maybe a little more relaxed.  These are the things that are bugging me currently:  my SIL is pregnant and due in December, she has asked for our address to send me an invite to the baby shower; she didn’t start ttc until DH decided to tell his mother we were and that we are infertile (SIL and MIL think everything is a competition; SIL even moved her wedding up by three months to the week before our wedding because she said she wanted to be the first one married (she is younger than DH so it wasn’t an age thing)).  Other things that are bugging me:  my furbabies currently think the best time to play is during the middle of the night, my best friend is pregnant with her third surprise baby, everyone around here seems to think God has all things planned and that he planned for me and DH to be infertile, many people think we “just aren’t doing it right” (I mean, how stupid can we be?  The meth-heads in town have a billion kids and they can barely think anymore); and there is so much more that I’ve started thinking about since I started writing this post.  I think I’m going to grab a steaming cup of peppermint tea and hide from everyone for a little bit…